A Series of Disappointments and Failure
by kellie-rose
Summary: Meghan wanted nothing more than to stop being such a disappointment to her family. But her actions send her to a world she is unfamiliar with. She soon finds she has a new identity, new family, and a whole new set of disappointments. A/U
1. Prologue

**Hey ya'll! This is my first ever attempt at writing fanfiction. Sorry if it's bad. Please critique. I know that this might be a confusing prologue, and you are probably wondering what this has to do with Harry Potter, but I am going to try to get the first couple of chapters up soon.**

**Prologue:**

_I was standing in the bathroom, steam collecting around me from one of the best showers of my life. My sister's words kept reverberating through my head. I needed to get a job, but I had no skills that anyone would want. What I really wanted was to just train horses for the rest of my life, but Fate saw to it that _that_ would never happen. I was a let down. She had hung up on me when I told her about my lack of skills. Sure I had just graduated from high school, but my talents lay outside the classroom, outside the workspace. I would be a great farm hand, that was for sure. _

_All these thoughts kept spinning circles around my head. I had had enough of letting people down. My father, whom I still lived with, had just told me the other day that he didn't want me hear._

"_When will you tell me some good news?" He had asked me over dinner. Needless to say, I quickly lost my appetite._

_My reflection stared back at me from the foggy mirror. Her hair was dark chestnut, handing limp past her shoulders. Though it was wet, it was already curling wildly. I had always had a problem with controling my bushy hair. The girl in the mirror had angry red cuts up her left arm. There were uncried tears in her forest green eyes._

It would be so easy,_ I thought, glancing from the cuts I had done with a push-pin to the glittery orange razor sitting in the soap dish in the shower. I grabbed it, expertly breaking the blades free from the plastic and held one of them up in the light. When I was thirteen, I had had a really bad problem with cutting. So bad that I ended up almost killing myself. I hadn't wanted to back then, but now…_

_I pressed the cold metal to the thin sking of my rest, right where the scarr from my accident was. It was so easy. I sliced quickly, shutting my eyes. It never hurt, but I had a serious problem with blood. Even just the thought of it made me nauseus. The skin split apart, revealing red and white. I needed to do more, though, I knew. This one I did vertically, drawing the bade up my right arm. It was harder to do this one. I dropped the blade and gaped in horror at what I had done. There was no turning back now. _

_Still wrapped in a soft white cotton towl, I sat on the toilet, letting the blood drip all over everything. No longer would I be a dissapointment. With renewed determination, I picked the blade back up and did my left arm. No longer._


	2. Chapter One: A Very Confusing After Life

**So here is where it starts to fit into the world of Harry Potter. Please feel free to tell me what you think. I really like the idea I have going for this. I kinda felt inspired after reading a fanfic about Bella's daughter and then all these what if's popped into my head and snowballed into a plot bunny. Enjoy!**

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**Chapter One:**

When I died, I felt like I was walking out of a door of my life. When I came out on the other side I was at what appeared to be a train station. There were people and animals everywhere and a red train was pouring out steam. I guess that they didn't have environmental concerns in the afterlife. I looked down at what I was wearing—a fine velvet coat, the color of charcoal. It was soft and and went down to my waist, which was smaller than the size fourteen I had been when I was alive. I know, I was pretty big, right? Underneath the coat I was wearing a thin silk blouse, which was black, and a knee-length black pencil skirt. My hair was held up in a barret away from my face, but hung down my back. It felt longer than I remembered it being.

"Move it, Hydra!" A snotty, male voice called from behind me. It had barely registred that the voice was British before I felt something shove me, sending me forward ungracefully.

I fell on my hands and knees, scraping the tender flesh of my palms. As I was standing up, a stick-like boy with white blond hair strode past me, followed by two droll gorillas and a pug-nosed girl with an attitude problem. None of them bothered to held me up. Apparently people in the after life are rude. As soon as I was up, dusting off my nice clothes, I stormed up to the blond boy. I knew it was him that had shoved me by his voice. He was saying something that I really didn't care about to his croonies.

"Excuse me!" I snapped, holding up some stick that was held tightly in my hand in a menacing way. But I wasn't able to say any more. The voice that had come out of my mouth was not my voice. Au contraire, it was a British voice. Trust me, I can't even fake any sort of accent. I was born and raised, and died, in Florida.

The boy seemed annoyed with my interruption, giving me a disgusted look, like I was gum on the bottom of his shoe. "_What_ Hydra?"

"I want an apology." I demanded, trying not to wince at the sound of my voice.

His face broke into a smile. But it wasn't a nice smile. Sure, it looked great on him, but it had a sadistic undertone that made me take a step back. "Dear cousin wants an apology, does she? Maybe you should of moved you blood-traitor ass out of my way."

I was sure the confusion I felt was evident on my face. I was pretty sure I wasn't related to him-- there are no blondes in my family. And what did he mean by "blood-traitor?" I went to ask him when two people came up from behind him, two people that were very obviously his parents. Both of them had the same pale blonde hair and the same "I'm better than you will ever be" expressions.

"Hydra," the woman said to me stiffly, nodding curtly in greeting.

I was about to tell them that my name wasn't Hydra when something else caught my eye. A sign in the background that was scarlet, just like the train, and had black lettering, alerted everyone that we were standing on platform nine and three quarters. Underneath that, and writting on the side of the train, were two words that I thought I would only ever see at Orlando or in movies. _The Hogwarts Express_. That couldn't be right, unless the afterlife was Potterverse. No, this wasn't real. I was in a suicide-induced coma. Yeah, this was some kind of coma-dream.

"Hydra," the woman said again. I knew who she just had to be. I knew who this family was. The Malfoys. They were bad guys, right? I mean, I never read the books, I only saw the movies. My best friend, Glen, had dragged me to them. He was obsessed with every thing HP related. "I believe it is Andromeda's year to have you."

"Indeed it is, mother," the boy, who copuld only be Draco, said, clearly wanting to be rid of me. "Why don't you take your blood-traitor ways away from us?"

His mother gave him a scornful look, but his father continued the insults. At least I think being called a blood-traitor is insulting. "Yes," the man with the silvery long hair said, "your mother would be so disappointed with you. I know we are."

That was a breaking point. I turned away from them, unable to comprehend anything except that I was still a disappointment. I was dead and still letting family members I didn't have down. I wanted to turn around and say something nasty to them, but wasn't sure what to say. I was saved, however, by a young woman who looked to be no older than I was with bubble-gum hair bounding towards me.

"Happy Christmas!" She all but yelled as she scooped me up into a hug. I was quite confused.

"Who are you?" I asked, trying to wrangle out of her vice-like grip. She was really strong.

She laughed, punching my shoulder playfully. "You know who I am!" Her hair turned a dark shade of purple and I tried not to gasp.

"Right," I said uneasily, letting her lead me away from the Malfoys. In all honesty, I had no idea who she was. I had only watched up to the fourth book. Judging by Draco, this was later than that. How much later I didn't know. But let me tell you, the real Draco Malfoy looked ten times better than Tom Felton. Oh, Glen would be so jealous of me right now! As I weaved through the crowd after the girl with the changing hair, I decided to just go with the flow. At best, my afterworld was a world thousands of people would die to be in. At worst, this was just some outrageous coma-dream. I could deal with this. I just wish that I had more information to go off. Like who Andromeda was, and who this spunky girl was. More importantly, I wanted to know who Hydra was, since I had evidently become her.

The girl with the color changing hair brought me to a woman with soft brown hair and kind eyes. She was standing next to a trunk with a sleek black cat sitting on top of it. The cat looked a lot like my cat, Thor. I felt a pang of regret as I remembered him. He was the only responsibility I was leaving behind. "Shall we get going then?"

I think she was waiting for me to say something, but I couldn't. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. It would've been one thing to end up in purgatory, but this clearly wasn't purgatory. This was a whole nother life. I wondered vaguely if this Hydra chick was waking up in my body back in my world as we left, going throw the brick barrier. Maybe it was a good thing that Glen was obsessed, or else I would have been unable to comprehend what was going on as we walked through the barrier.

It was bitterly cold outside the train station. Wasn't it called King's Cross or something like that? Regardless, the snow flurried around our feet. I remembered Pinky telling me-- or Hydra-- marry Christmas. I had always wished I could be around snow for Christmas.

"Grab my hand," Pinky said, holding out her left hand for me to grab. I did as I was told, still just going with the flow, but soon regretted it. It felt like I was

sucked into a preasure chamber, like all ligh was sucked away. It was painful and I could feel my stomach rising in my throat. And then we were standing in front of a small pond. There was a brown house behind us, smoke rising up from the chimney. A fair-haired man was heading out to us, wrapped completely in scarves and jackets. It was snowing here more than it had been at the train station. I wanted to know where we were, but thought that it would seem stupid. The man hugged Pinky and the woman and thenwrapped me in a bear-hug.

"It's good to have you home," he said, pushing me back so that he could get a good look at me. "My how you've grown since summer!"

I smiled, not liking how strangers were all hugging me and such. The woman saw my expression and shooed everyone away from me, telling them to let me get some rest. "It's a long train ride, afterall."

I smiled at her graciously, wanting nothing more than some quite time to think. But I also wanted to figure out who these people were to Hydra. That was such a weird name, I thought heading inside. I breath of warm air hit me, -prompting me to take off the velvet jacket I was wearing, Inside, I saw that there was a stair case to the right of the door and a living room with comfy looking couches to the left. I headed to the stairs, thinking that it would make sense for Hydra's bedroom to be there. I was right. The first door on the left was it. A little plaque on the door had the name Hydra Lestrange engraved in it. This had to be the room I was sleeping in.

The name Lestrange rang a bell, but I didn't know why. I guess it was just from the movies or something. I sat down on the bed, surprised to find the trunk and cat in there already. The cat lifted its head at me and meowed softly, just like Thor used to. He had the same grass-green eyes. With a sigh, I plopped down on the bed next to him, kicking my shoes off. It was so nice to lie down. I was unaware of how tired I was until I was actually lying down. But I fought the sleep, something on the bedside table catching my attention. It was a purple book with a matching quill next to it. In gold lettering across the front was the name _Hydra Chantal Lestrange._ This was some sort of diary-- just the thing I would need to get by as Hydra in this world.

Excitedly, I flipped open the first page. There was a photo tucked away, with a newpaper clipping. Not to my imense surprise did I see the photo move. It was of a family, the mother with sleek black hair, haughty, heavy eyes, and a snarl of a smile. The father was slightly burly, with a thick mane of brown curly hair and brown eyes. In the mother's arms was a small bundle with two arms reaching up. The two adults were both wearing dark robes and barely moved. I turned my attention to the newpaper clipping. The two parents where in the picture, though these were mug-shots. The woman was snarling visciously at the camera. She looked slightly mad, unhinged. The man just looked like anyone who was being arrested would look-- disappointed. There was obviously more to the clipping, but it was cut away. There wasn't even a story to accompany the pictures. Curiously. I flipped over to the first page of the diary. But the page was empty. I frantically flipped through the pages. Nothing. It was clear that Hydra didn't want anyone in her business.

A knock on the door made me jump, dropping the diary. The pictures fluttered out and I frantically grabbed for them. It was Pinky.

"Mum said that dinner should be ready soon." She said, coming in uninvited. "Did I scare you?"

I nodded quickly, returning the purple diary to the nightstand.

"Ah, writing in the old journal?" She asked, sitting down next to me. She flipped open the book, obviously not caring about how she was invading my space, but was just a disappointed as I had been. "Invisible ink?"

I nodded again, not entirely sure if it was the truth.

"Well," she said, shutting the book. "Let's grab some food, shall we?"

I smiled at her, watching as she stopped in front of my mirror and changed her hair a dark teal color. It was really cool how she could do that. When she turned back to me, her eyes were bright pink. I laughed at her transformation and followed her down stairs to the warm dining room. I could see myself enjoying this world.


	3. Chapter Two: Hydra Lestrange

**Hey guys! So I have no life and update quick. Thus why I have gotten chapter two up here so quickly! So this was sort of hard to write, because really I just needed it as a filler. I'm not happy with it, but it helps the flow, sort of. Really, it is just a lot of background info on Hydra. I'm sorry if it's been boring so far, but there isn't really a whole lot of action yet. But I promise it will pick up in the next chapter! Please review. I would like to know what people think of my first stab at fanfic.**

**Chapter Two:**

Dinner was definitely an awkward affair. I excused myself with a headache, which everyone believed, and headed back up to my room. Sorry, back up to Hydra's room. I had to remember that I wasn't really her. She was probably stuck in my world wondering what the heck was going on. I was determined, however, to read that diary.

The first thing I did when I got up to her room was look around. There were bookshelves on the opposite side of the room, three of them taking up the entire wall up to the window. On the wall to my left was a large vanity table with a decently sized mirror. A red velvet cushioned stool stood in front of it, as if awaiting me. Next to the door, to my right, was a writing desk covered with parchment paper and quills. It was neatly disarrayed. The full sized bed was on the wall to my right, perfectly made minus the wrinkles I had left in it. Next to that, in front of the window, was the nightstand that held the journal. There were pictures everywhere, mostly showing the same families. I could easily pick out the girl that I assumed was Hydra in most of them. In the ones with the Malfoys, she was the only one with dark features and in the ones of the family that I was with now she was the only one that didn't smile. On the vanity there was a picture of the two people that were in the mug shots. I wondered who they were.

As I walked up to the vanity to get a better look at the picture, I saw my reflection for the first time since dying. Sure there were pictures of Hydra around, but they were all of her younger years. The girl that stared back at me was absolutely beautiful. Let me tell you, I couldn't have gotten stuck in a more perfect body! Sure, I missed my curves, but hers were softer, her waist smaller and her entire frame was just more petite and athletic. Her hair fell down to her waist in soft waves. It was the same color as the woman down stairs' hair, a pretty, light brown, almost auburn color. Her eyes were the color of milk chocolate and had a haughty gleam to them. It now dawned on me who the two people in the picture were—her parents. She was the perfect mixture of both of them, though if I was being honest, she did take more after the mother than the father.

Smiling to the image in front of me, which on her face looked almost evil, I turned around, no longer caring about the picture on the vanity. If I was going to play the part of Hydra, I would need to know how she acted, what kind of person she was. With my attention refocused on the diary, I scanned the volumes on the bookshelf. There had to be a spell I could use to see the invisible ink. These were all about magic, some of them thick leather volumes written in French, some of them thin and with out titles. I grabbed one of the newer looking ones and scanned through it. It was called _Spells for the Teen Witch_. That sounded like something that would hold some answers for me, right?

Almost immediately, in the 'A' section of the book, I found exactly what I was looking for. _Aparecium. _It even had the correct pronunciation (a-par-EE-see-um). Satisfied, I set the book aside and pulled my wand out from behind my ear, where I had stuck it during dinner. It almost seemed natural to point the stick at one of the blank pages and say the word. It rolled off my tongue so easily, regardless of the fact that I jumped upon hearing that voice again. It was going to take some getting used to before I could talk without freaking out.

It was so cool to watch the once empty page fill up with small, cramped, but still neat handwriting. I liked her handwriting. It was really pretty, especially in the purple ink she used. The entry was dated for the twenty-third of January, nineteen ninety-five. Wow, this was old. It was then that I thought crossed my mind—had I gone back in time? Pushing that aside I began to read.

"_Snape is such a … ugh, words don't even describe! Just because my parents were Death Eater with him doesn't mean he can treat me like crap! It's not my fault that my mother was one of the most loyal, while he was a nothing! I swear, if he gives me detention one more time, I'll Cruciatus him! I know that is what everyone expects me to do. Sometimes I hate my blood. I wish I could be a muggle sometimes, not have to deal with this crap. It's bad enough that I'm not a perfect Slytherin. You know, I haven't been to live with aunty Cissa since I was sorted. They hate me. Every time they see me, they remind me that I am just a disappointment to my parents. I wish the Dark Lord never lost his power when he tried to kill Harry. I know, I just said I wish I were a muggle, but really, I could be so powerful. But that's not why I want the Dark Lord to rise again. I just want my family to be whole."_

The entry ended there. I was almost shocked by what I had read. She was the daughter of two Death Eaters? I read on to the next entry, which wasn't until February.

"_My birthday is coming up, but I don't expect any big celebration. There never is. That is one of the downfalls of being Hydra Lestrange. But who cares? I have more important things to do. Like study. Or go to the Triwizard Tournament. The second event is on the twenty-fourth._

_I got an owl from Dora. She told me about her Aurora work that she was doing. She seemed pretty excited. We threw her a big party when she graduated from her training. I don't know if I told you that or not. I'm sure that if my mother ever read this she would have a heart attack, since I hear she absolutely hates aunty Dromeda, but I love living at the Tonks's. They are so much more relaxed than the Malfoys. Honestly, it almost makes things easier when I am with them, since I look so much like aunt Dromeda. But they aren't my family. No, I will never have a family. I have homework to do; Snape gave us a three-foot essay on antidotes to write._

Wow. So, she was just as messed up about her life as I was. But I still didn't know how she acted around people. Maybe that didn't matter? Maybe I could be myself while trapped here. After all, this felt so much like a second chance at life. I decided to unpack my trunk; though I wasn't sure how long I'd be here for. How long did their winter break last for? Back when I was in school, it was two weeks. But this was another time, another country, another world. I decided to flip back and see if Hydra would tell me.

I found the December entries to be rather full. It appeared that the fall term ended on the eighteenth, since that was when a lot of the long entries started, and the winter term started in the second week of January. Great, so it wasn't much different from what I was used to! Hydra's tales from that winter holiday were full of mischief that her and Dora had wreaked upon the house. I closed the book, having now figured out what kind of person Hydra was (a quiet girl with snobbish tendencies, but a spunky side that she rarely let anyone see), and laid back on the fluffy pillows

This room was really boring. The walls were white, with no posters or anything, and the furniture was covered with nothing more than it needed to be covered with. I was definitely going to change that. From reading her diary, I saw that she could be a fun, crazy person; it was just that no one gave her the chance to be. Kind of like me. But this was my second chance. And I was going to make the most of it.

The weeks past quickly at the Tonks residence. I spent most of the time flying around on the Nimbus that Hydra owned, trying to get used to it, and reading the many diaries that she had written in. They had started when she started at Hogwarts, cataloging everything from the night before she left for her first year, which was spent at the Malfoys, to being sorted into Ravenclaw, which apparently was the house for smart people, to getting kicked out of the Malfoys for not being a Slytherin like Draco was, and like her parents would've wanted her to be, to when Harry saved Ginny in the Chamber of Secrets (she claimed to know that it wasn't Harry who had opened it from the beginning; according to her, he wasn't pure enough). There were bits about Sirius, who was a relative of hers, and about the Triwizard Tournament.

The purple one ended when she came back from school for that summer. With luck, and logic, I found the one from this year in her trunk she had brought home for the Holidays. I had wished that I had thought to read it earlier. It would've made answering questions so much easier. And it would've given me the headway to read up about Quidditch. According to her journal from this year, which was bright pink and fuzzy, she was a beater on the Ravenclaw team. When I read that I nearly died. The only ounce of athleticism in me was from riding. I was okay on a broom, but I didn't think I'd be able to whack something while I was riding one. Nor did I know anything about the game, aside from that catching the snitch ends it.

Needless to say, I was very distressed when I read this part of the journal on the train ride back to Hogwarts. I had been avoiding everyone, since apparently I don't have any friends, and was glad to find a spot to myself. It was a long ride, which gave me ample opportunity to read through my journal. Oh wow, I just called it _my _journal. I was about halfway through September when a cough interrupted my reading.

I looked up to see everyone's favorite blond boy leaning against the doorway, his arms folded over his chest. He was really, really skinny. I rolled my eyes at him, knowing that his relationship with Hydra was volatile at best. "What do you want, ferret?" I said, looking back down at my journal.

"Just wondering how my favorite cousin's holiday was. Did you get any presents from mummy and daddy?" He was examining his fingernail when he said this, trying, but failing badly, to look impassive.

I rolled my eyes at him and huffed. I really hated him, and not just because I was supposed to. I hated him from the moment I first came into this world.

"Is that a no?" Asked Draco, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, but of course not! They're in Azkaban."

I shut the pink book in my hands to glare at him. I wanted to beat him with my beater's bat! "Just because my parents were better Death Eaters than your father was is no reason to get so catty, Draco."

His ears turned red in his anger. I swear I could see smoke hissing out of them. "Well at least I'm not a blood-traitor. You see, I am not the disappointing 'oops' in the family."

"And neither am I," I responded, recounting how Hydra often complained about her uncle being a mudblood when she was upset with them. "I believe that would be our dear aunt Andromeda."

Draco's expression was a hilarious degree of shock. Clearly he wasn't expecting that answer. "Well," he said, still shocked, "I see that being in Ravenclaw hasn't tainted you like we thought."

I shook my head. If they read half of what Hydra had written, then they wouldn't question her loyalty to the pureblood agenda, or to the Dark Lord. She was practically in love with him. "Why would it?" I asked, playing the part. It was clear from her latest entries that she let people step on her constantly, and I was going to change that.

"Because you hang out with blood-traitors and mudbloods all the time."

"Draco, you don't know me." I snapped, pulling out my wand and pointing it at his throat. "Don't ever act like you do."

I watched him back away with his hands up in surrender. When he turned around, I closed the compartment door and went back to my reading, hoping that everyone would leave me alone until we got back to the castle. The entry I was on was from October fifth. It was a Hogsmeade weekend and she went to sign up for Harry's lessons in Defense Against the Dark Arts.

"_It was so nasty in that pub. I honestly have no clue why I am doing this. I know enough about the Dark Arts to be able to take care of myself. I guess I just want to score well on the O.W.L.'s. At the rate we are going with Umbridge, that stupid toad, nobody is going to make higher than a T. I'll Cruciatus myself if I get a Troll on anything._

_Anyways, back to the meeting. I was quiet the whole time, just sitting behind everyone else while they chit-chatted. The only reason I went because it is something that is undermining Umbridge. Ugh, I hate that old cow. Luna and Hermione got into an argument, which Ginny broke up with an impression of Umbridge. It was hiliarious—even I laughed at it. When it was time to sign that paper, I did. It felt like I was signing away my soul, as Muggles would say. And I guess, in a way, I was. _

_I don't know how I will ever explain this to my parents if they ever get out of Azkaban. I'm sure that the Dark Lord will get them out. Mum was practically his most faithful, most loyal follower. They got arrested looking for him! He just has to get them out somehow. I've heard that dementors are the reason for all the fog nd everything. If dementors are away from Azkaban, wandering freely, then they are sure to escape! I will not loose faith in them."_

The entry ended there. She really wanted her parents. I could totally understand that. The next entry was from the nineth.

_So Umbridge is at it again. She has made up one of her falascious decrees that no student organizations are allowed. Does that include Quidditch? Go figure the year I finally try out for—_and make_—the Quidditch team, they disband it. Hopefully, I don't think that it included Quidditch. She would just be setting herself up for a rebelion._

_The first meeting of Dumbledore's Army, as it was decidedly named, was today. It was in the Room of Requirement. I love the RoR. It's so cool—whatever you want, within reasonable realms, you get! So anyways, I found out right around dinner time, when the Galleon I was given seered hot. It had the time and the place on it. So at half-past-seven, I headed up to the seventh floor. Being a fifth year, I was allowed out until nine. That tapestry always makes me laugh._

_We studied some basics at first before pairing off. Poor Neville—he was the odd one out! Harry, being the saint he is—ugh!—let him be his partner. I was teamed up with Terry Boot. I don't know if people were surprised that I was there. I mean, yes, I am a Lestrange, but I keep my darker self hidden pretty well. Nobody knows that I am a closet Dark Lord supporter. _

_Speaking of, the Daily Profit and the Ministry are still adimantly proclaiming that he hasn't returned. What a load of tosh that is! Anyways, I've got to be off—just finished a two foot essay on vanishing things. I am beyond exhausted!_

A knock on the door brought me out of my little world. I looked up to see an Indian girl with a long braid down her back waving at me. She opened the compartment door and sat down across from me, a look-a-like coming in right behind her.

"Hello, Hydra," the first girl said.

"Hullo," I responded, not quite sure who she was. I wasn't aware that Hydra had any friends.

"Why haven't you changed into your robes yet?" The second asked. The only noteable difference between them were the ties—one had a blue ties stripped with bronze and the other a burgundy tie striped with gold. I knew that these dictated their houses.

Pavarti and Padma Patil. That's who they were. I smiled, now having this information down.

"I don't know," I answered the Gryffindor. "I've just been busy with my journal."

"Well," the Gryffindor said, "You should change. We should be there within the hour." I think she was Pavarti.

Looking out the window, which was iced over, I saw that it was dark. The outline of a lit up castle was just visible in the horizon. Then it really hit me—I was going to Hogwarts. Like, for real going to Hogwarts.

As soon as I was in my, Hydra's, robes, the blue tie done sloppillly, it was time for us to get off the train. What can I say, I change slowly. I am very meticulous. It was dark out, and crowded, so I could barely make out the shapes beyond the lamp-light. We were on a stone-paved platform. The crowd headed towards a bunch of carriages with these weird skeletal horses leading them. I could vaguely hear Glen in the back of my head: _Would you ever ride a thestral? They're these horse things that can fly, and you can only see them if you've seen death._ I had told him no, because I hadn't seen death. But I guess that my own death counted.

I got into a carriage with the Patil twins, but not before Draco had a chance to bump into me, pushing me into the corner of the carriage. I think it left a bruise. However badly I wanted to hex him to oblivion, as Hydra would say, I didn't. I would wait until we weren't in a crowded place. Maybe Cruciatus him in front of his goons. I think I would have them eating out of my hands in no time. The carriage ride was bumpy and I felt awkward with these two girls I didn't really know, but I suppose it was better than walking.

I wasn't hungry when we got to the castle, so I found my way to the Ravenclaw tower, following the directions in the journal, and collapsed in the warm bed that Hydra's cat was curled up in. It had been a long train ride.


	4. Chapter Three: The Breakout Breakdown

**Another chapter! Woo! So, this chapter took me a couple tries to get it how I wanted, but I finally got it. I am much happier with this one than I am with the others. Thank you to my first reviewer, Eliza Spootkitten! You are forever awesome! Enjoy!**

**Chapter Three:**

The first day was hell. I didn't know which classes to go to, and when that finally got sorted out, I almost burned my face off in potions and couldn't get anything to go right in charms. Maybe it was because I personally was a muggle and didn't have magic in me, or maybe I just didn't know what I was doing. Regardless, it was with much relief when I settled into arithmancy, which was basically the magical theory of numbers. Math and magic, who knew they could mix? And who know that I, who had failed every math class ever taken, would be good at this? It was a major shocker hat boosted my ego. Professor Vector seemed cool enough, minus the fact that she assigned two charts for homework.

When the bell tolled for us to leave, I gathered my things slowly, still revelling in the self-inking quill, and headed to the library. I had a load of homework to do and Quidditch practice at six. I was still nervous about that, but decided that I would just go with the flow, learn as I played. There was barely anyone in the library when I got there, plopping my heavy bag down on a lone table. I liked it better like that-- the less crowded it was, the more likely I was to get more work done.

I was half-way through my transfigurations homework when I felt a presence looming over me. I looked up to see a boy of Hydra's age glaring down at me. I had seen him near Malfoy at breakfast and knew he was in Slytherin by the color of his tie, but I had no idea what his name was.

I waited for him to say something, but when it became clear that he wasn't going to, I broke the silence. "Can I help you?"

He smiled slowly at my arrogant tone. "Hydra."

"What do you want?" I asked, growing impatient. I had homework to finish. I'd be damned if I was up all night doing it.

"Just to talk." He faked innocence.

"Well then talk," I said, turning back to my essay.

He didn't say anything, but rather sat down next to me, pushing my bag out of the way. Whoever he was, he was so irritating.

The only sound for about ten minutes was the scratching of my quill on the parchment. It was an oddly comforting noise. I tried to ignore his presence until I had finished the essay. What ever he wanted to talk about, he needed to do it fast. I only had half an hour until Quidditch.

"Well?" I asked, gathering my things.

He looked nervous, like he had to give a really important speech in front of the entire school. "The next Hogsmead weekend is Valentines."

He could've been speaking gibberish to me. "And?"

A look of regret flitted across his face at my snarky tone. "And I was..." He trailed off, his eyes moving down to the floor. He mumbled something softly. It was too soft for me to hear.

"What was that?" I tried to keep the irritation out of my voice, but failed miserably.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go." He said louder, a smidgen of irritation in his voice. His cheeks burned red, though, so I could tell that this was taking a great deal of courage. "With me."

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So I was late to practice, almost fell off of my broom several times, got chewed out by Davies, the captain, and didn't get to sleep until two in the morning because I was busy doing homework, but none of that mattered. Wonna know why? Because I had a date. On the day before Hydra's birthday, nonetheless. After I got back from practice, after taking a shower, of course, I scoured the diary until I found some description of the boy that had asked me out. I was almost 90 percent sure that it was Theodore Nott, a weedy Slytherin that had always cast her odd glances. Apparently he had been harboring a crush on her for some time-- in one entry she complained that he would not stop staring at her.

I had never been asked out before that night. Neither had Hydra, despite how pretty she was. So when I walked into the Great Hall the next morning, my eyes automatically searched for him. I found him reading a news paper, sitting alone. Hydra had described him as a loner. My heart started beating erratically in my chest when he looked up, his green eyes meeting mine. I smiled weakly before walking up the Ravenclaw table and sitting as close to him as possible. That smile didn't leave my lips until I sat down and noticed all the other people watching me.

Almost everyone at my table was casting me curious glances, whispering to one another and pointing. They didn't even have the decency to be discreet.

"What?" I asked rather tersely. "What is everyone staring at?"

Somebody, a fourth year girl that was on the team with me, slid one of the newspapers in front me. On the front cover of the Daily Prophet, there were ten mugshots, each showing a ferocious prisoner. Two faces looked familiar. I gasped in shock when I realized why. There, on the front cover of the Profit, were Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange. Hydra's mother was no longer the beautiful woman I had seen in the other pictures-- no Azkaban had taken it's toll on her. Her face was hollow and lined and her hair, once so sleek and beautiful, now was a chaotic mess of grey and black. Her striped prisoner's dress was ripped in places and was very reminiscent of Beetlejuice.

"I wonder when her initiation is," I heard a girl whisper loudly.

I looked up to see the group of girls I shared my dormitory with all staring at me, whispering and making comments. The one that had spoken, Mandy Brocklehurst, was glaring at me indignantly.

"Shove off, Mandy," I scolded, returning the glare as visciously as she was.

I thought I saw some fear on her face before she replied, saying in her annoyingly highpitched voice, "We think it best for you to not be in our dorm. We don't want to be crucioed in our sleep."

"And just _where_ do you propose I go?" I asked through clenched teeth, gripping my wand tightly under the table.

"I don't care, that's not my problem. Just don't bother coming to the dorm tonight. You won't be welcome." She sneered.

Great, so I was going to have to deal with this crap all over again. It was bad enough that I left my life before because I was never good enough for people. Now I hadn't even done anything wrong, and people were treating me like I was plagued. I got up, throwing the newsaprer backon the table, and strode quickly out of the Great Hall. If they wanted to see evil, I would show them evil. I would make Hydra's mother proud for sure.

**Review?**


	5. Chapter Four: Ready or Nott

**A/N: Sorry I took so long to get this up, I've just been really busy with NaNoWriMo and being a bum. It'd be really awesome if people could review this. You know, show me how much you love/hate it. Just saying... So anywho, on with the show!**

**Disclaimer: I just realized that I haven't put one of these up yet, no matter how unnecessary it is. Anything you recognize isn't mine. **

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**Chapter Four: Ready or Nott**

The fourteenth rolled around quickly, giving me a most stressful month before I could enjoy the sweet bliss of my first date. It was supposed to be sweet and blissful, right? Please? The work load for fifth years had been kicked up an extra two notches as O.W.L. season approached. Quidditch was Hell, especially since everyone on the team hated me. Not only was I the daughter of two escaped Death Eaters, but I sucked horribly. I could tell that Davies was regretting letting me onto the team.

"I'm sorry," I told him at breakfast that morning after he gave one of those ugh-not-you looks.

"For what?" He asked, clearly confused.

"For sucking so much lately. I've just been so stressed and there is just so much going on in my head right now. I know that is not excuse, but I don't want you to regret letting me on the team."

"Hey," he said, his eyes warm and friendly. "It's okay. I understand."

"Really?" I asked, my own eyes widening. When he nodded, I smiled and thanked him, bounding down the table to where Theo sat just across the aisle at the Slytherin table. He smiled at me, as usual, as I sat down, bumping into him on purpose. "So what's the plan for the day?" I asked, smiling back at him.

"Depends on what you feel like doing," he said in the same, playful tone. "We could go to Madame Pudifoots, or we could-"

I cut him off, being the sort of person that couldn't do what others were likely to do. "Or we could explore the Shrieking Shack."

"You aren't scared?" He asked, impressed.

I snorted, insulted. "Of course not. Besides, everyone knows it's not really haunted."

"Then why would you go there?"

Shrugging, I said, "To be different, I guess. Uniqueness is something that I pride myself on."

Theo rolled his eyes before getting to his feet. He held out his arm in a gentlemanly fashion. "Shall we go?"

"But I haven't eaten yet!" I complained, sitting down defiantly. But when I looked up at him, I just couldn't help but to grab a piece of toast, stick it in my mouth, and get to my feet, mumbling, "Let's go."

It was chilly outside, the wind berating us nonstop. But that didn't stop anyone from being excited about the Hogsmead trip or the holiday. We weren't the only couple out and about, if you could even call us a couple. Not far in front of us was none other than Harry and Cho Chang, the Seeker on our Quidditch team. They looked awkward. It made me a little uncomfortable to watch them, as interesting as it was (sing it with me: "_Golden Boy has a girlfriend_"), so I shifted my gaze to Theo, only to see him watching them with slightly narrowed eyes. As the path moved us further from Hogwarts, I relaxed little by little, or as much as I could when I was so freezing. The only time it snowed in Florida was in my dreams.

"Come on," Theo said, gently dragging me from the wide foot-path leading to Hogsmead to the decrepit, overgrown faux-path that led to the Shreiking Shack.

I have to admit, though I knew it wasn't really haunted (thank you Glen), it was still a little creepy. I shivered, whether from the cold or not I'm not completely sure, and moved closer to Theo.

"Not scared, huh?" He joked, wrapping an arm around me. I wanted to push him away, but he was very warm.

"No," I half-lied. "Just cold is all."

He chuckled, his body shaking against me. "Well, let's go inside and warm up."

Again, he led me forward, gentle leading me by my waist to the sagging structure in front of us. It was such a sad looking building, neglected and ruined, like an abused horse. I surged forwards, feeling the need to give it some love. Everyone deserved some affection, even old houses that people were afraid of. The door was locked, but opened with a simple "alohamora." I entered first, with Theo right behind me. Dust covered everything, from the moth-eaten curtains, to the rotting floorboards. But that wasn't the odd thing about the house. A figure was standing off in a corner, facing away from us. The person was covered from head to toe in a raggedy black traveling cloak. Fear clawed up my throat as I backed into Theo, who was holding out his wand at the cloaked person. It turned around slowly, drawing back the cowl to reveal a sunken, lined, very familiar face. The hair that was once sleak and black was lined grey and the heavy-lidded eyes held no hint of love as they looked me up and down. I took in a sharp breath as my brain screamed at me to run forwards and hug her.

But I didn't run forwards. Instead, I stayed rooted to the spot, only able to whisper the name, "Bellatrix Lestrange."

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A/N:** I know it's short, but I just needed to get another chapter out. That and I love cliffhangers. Again, sorry for taking way too long getting this out. The next one should come out faster. Please review!**


	6. Chapter Five: Who's On Your Side?

**Chapter Five: Who's On Your Side**

"Shouldn't you be calling me 'mother?'" Bellatrix asked, her words light, but harsh at the same time.

"I think those words are better reserved for parental figures." I responded, positive that if it were Hydra, she would be crying all over her mother's shoulder. But Bellatrix didn't seem like the kind to let on cry on her shoulder, even her own daughter that hadn't seen her since she was a year old.

"All the same," the woman said, moving forwards quickly, gracefully. She moved with a sense of pride that couldn't be taken away by a millennia of years in Azkaban. She shifted her piercing eyes to Theo, who still hadn't dropped his wand. "You must be Nott's boy."

"And if I am?" Theo asked, his voice even. I could still detect a trace of fear and awe in his tone, though.

"Then my daughter has good taste." Again, her eyes were on me. "I trust that Lucius was wrong in calling you a blood traitor, seeing as you have chosen a worthy pureblood."

I shrugged, knowing that I should've been scared out of my wits. If I had met this woman in my old life, she would probably have tortured and killed me just for laughs. "Haven't decided which side I'm on yet." I said casually. "Though with the way things are going, I'm probably going to create my own."

"What does that mean?" Theo asked, his voice marred by curiosity, and was that pain?

I turned to him, looking him straight in the eye. "It means that Im sick of people assuming things about me." My words were frank, not at all accusing or whiny. Turning back to my mother, I said, "People assume that I'm evil because of my last name, but if you ask anyone on the Dark Lord's side, then they assume I'm a blood traitor because I was raised by blood traitors."

Bellatrix sighed impatiently, obviously fed up by my little rant. This was not at all how Hydra would want her first meeting with her mother to go. I had to fix things fast before I made a bad impression.

"Theo, do you mind waiting for me outside?" I asked, not looking away from Bellatrix. He sighed, but didn't argue, turning around and heading back out into the cold. I used the time to figure out what Hydra would do in this situation, aside from the hysterics, of course. She would want to impress her mother, right? I thought back to the promise I had made myself after the breakout, how I would make her proud.

After a long moment of silence, she spoke up, her eyes calculating. "That you aren't in Slytherin is a disappointment to both your father and I," she said callously. "What House was it that you were sorted into?"

"Ravenclaw," I said, trying to sound as proud as she sounded. "I'm on the Quidditch team."

She nodded, taking it all in. "And you say that you haven't chosen a side?"

I shurgged, not sure how to answer that. "I joined the defense tutoring/training group that Potter started, but I'm on the fence about how I feel about everything."

"You shouldn't be," she spat, eyes narrowing further. Before I knew what had hit me, she had her wand out and I was tossed to the ground. "_Crucio." _She whispered softly, barely moving her wand.

The pain was so horrible that I'd rather not relive it just for the sake of describing it. All I'll say i that it felt a life time until she removed it, standing above my crumbled self with a sickening smile on her face.

"Now, I trust you will pick the correct side?" She asked, words hard and cold as ice.

I nodded, knowing I had no choice but to make her proud. I would do anything not to be put through that again. "I am no blood traitor," I somehow managed to say, my voice shaking. Slowly, I got to my feet, my legs slightly wobbly after that kind of physical torture. "I will make you proud."

"Good," she smiled sadistically. "The Dark Lord should value that you have a decent enough brain to be put in Ravenclaw."

I smiled, knowing that I should take it as a compliment. "Should I stay in Dumbledore's Army?"

"Why?" She asked, as if I had asked her if I could go over throw Voldemort.

"To be a spy," I explained. It sounded like a good enough idea to me. "Wouldn't it behoove the Dark Lord to have a spy that's close to Potter?"

She thought about it before saying, "I'll talk to him about it. Now, I believe you have a date to get back to."

I nodded, having forgotten about Theo, but before I could say anything, she spun on her heel and, with a loud POP, disappeared. It was bitterly cold when I exited the shack, though I'm not sure how much of my shivering was from the cold. I had just unofficially sold my soul to the Dark Lord. I had just sided with those who wished to see my kind dead, or enslaved. And I regretted every bit of it. But what could I do? I'm a coward, I'll admit it. A coward with absolutely no tolerance for pain.

Sighing, I looked up from the snow-covered ground to see Theo watching me carefully. "You okay?" He asked, catching my expression.

I shook my head, not having it in me to lie anymore. "I think I just made a horrible mistake."

He gave me a sympathetic look before pushing himself off the tree he was leaning against and closing the gap between us. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head, now truly shivering from the cold. "Let's get out of here."

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The fire roaring in front of me offered no comfort. Neither did the chocolates that Theo had bought for me. All I could think about was the encounter with Hydra's mother. What would happen to me now that I had chosen a side? Would I go live with them? Would I become a Death Eater? Sure, the Dark Mark would make a killer tattoo, but I couldn't really uphold the whole evil minion life very well. I stuffed another chocolate cauldron in my mouth, wanting to go back in time and change it all. This wasn't my war, I shouldn't be fighting it. And yet here I was, sitting in front of this grand fire place in a world that shouldn't exist, sure that I had signed my death waiver. I went in for another chocolte cauldron only to realize I had eaten them all. Grumbling to myself, I slowly made my way up to the dormitory.

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**A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this up. And sorry it's so short. I just wanted to give you guys something before the next long period of not writing. I don't know when the next update will be, what with classes starting and doing research for the book I'm going to be writing, and then editing the novel I wrote back in August. And then the January horse show season has started up and a lot of my friends from the barn I used to ride at are showing this month. January and February are just generally busy months. But good news! My birthday is in a month. So, reviews would be a nice birthday present.**

**Keep being awesome!**


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